The Death of Friendship
and it's opportunity to rise again
Christians should have a monopoly on true friendship.1
It appears the world is outperforming the church in friendship.
The brotherhood of the military, the connection of the Local 87, the book club, all seem to offer a more meaningful connection than the people of God.
In this battle for eternity–your Christian friendships should outpace your common-interest-connections.
The unity of the church above and beyond normal human interests is a display of the wisdom of God in Christ (Ephesians 3). We can’t let the world’s connections and categories divide us or entice us more than Christ’s fellowship!
Let’s unpack a few statements about true friendship and then tie them to the beauty of prayer.
Friendship cannot exist without honesty.
Honesty rarely exists without trust.
Trust follows love.
Friendship cannot exist without honesty because there will be no intimacy in an illusion. Posturing and pretending are acts of selfishness not friendship. When we manage a perception, we do it for our own good at the expense of others. (Tragically, we deceive ourselves into believing the pretense is their fault.)
Honesty rarely exists without trust because being exposed is synonymous with being vulnerable. The “truth tellers” who enjoy “shooting straight” are usually honest in one direction– against others. Opening the places where we are vulnerable and in need comes in utter desperation or from trust that the person, we reveal ourselves to will care for us, not exploit us.
Trust flows from love because the person who demonstrates selfless commitment to you is the person you trust not to exploit you. You reveal in faith that this friend will receive your vulnerability and respond with sacrificial care.
A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
Proverbs 17:17
Who are you going to call when life hits the fan? Who can you call with the words you can’t stand to say out loud to anyone?
“I think I have a drinking problem.”
“I don’t think my marriage is going to make it.”
“I messed up, bad.”
“I’m in over my head.”
Can you think of a name?
I’ve got at least one for you, Christian!
Jesus said, “I have called you friends” in John 15:15.
Jesus Christ loved you sacrificially by laying his life down for you in John 15:13,
13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
He moved first creating the opportunity for true friendships.
Most importantly, Christ’s death creates the opportunity for your prayer-friendship with God. You can be honest with God in totality because you see the dying & living proof of Jesus that He will love you with all you reveal.
Jesus doesn’t merely invite our sharing in this prayer-friendship. The Spirit empowered Word is our opportunity to hear Him as he shares His heart! See John 15:15 in full,
15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
It gets even better!
The love of God for us and our experience of a prayer-friendship is the fountain of true friendships with Christ’s people!
We can trust that the love of God will flow through His people by His Spirit. It is scary, but I can trust that the love and Spirit we, together, have received will enable the other Christians to be sacrificial in response to my vulnerability.
I take a step of trust in Jesus that His Spirit will move His people to respond like Him.
Many Christians who fight this tooth and nail are unwittingly playing into the Enemies plans.
We have all the “good” lies from the Enemy about the failure of other Christians. We know our own failures. We know we’ve failed to love like Christ when people break or took the monumental risk of opening up.
It makes so much sense and so we fail trust that others will love us when we’re at the bottom. We fail to believe Jesus reaches into real relationships with power. We don’t believe the Spirit will work in the hearts of those we know.
That’s right where the Enemy wants us, smudging the shine of true friendship in Christ. The message of Christ’s victory over the Cosmos has been blurred by so many Christians unwilling to live out His victory in real relationships.
Many Christians live behind an elaborate smoke and mirrors operation. The image they present seems harmless in their heads. In reality, they are participating in the selfish exploitation program of the Enemy and missing the beauty of Christ’s power.
Christian relationships have the unique opportunity to be powerfully honest. As Bonhoeffer said,
“In the presence of a psychiatrist I can only be a sick man; in the presence of a Christian brother I can dare to be a sinner.”
We cannot begin to enter this life of Christian friendship without a profound understanding of the love of Christ that flows from a prayer-friendship.
The epidemic of friendless Christians and the plague of church-hopping-consumerism can die in the light of true Christian friendship.
True Christian Friendship grows up from the light of the prayer-friendship Christ has won for you!
Let’s begin to be honest with God and follow His Spirit into relationships!
Biblically it might be best in the long run to use “fellowship” of Christians to distinguish from the friendship experiences of this world. I appreciated this distinction I learned from Pastor Tracy Fressel.