Mutual Submission Snake Oil
What’s the last gimmick you bought because of an internet add?
Have you ever found yourself scrolling through social media, swept away by the latest miracle product or revolutionary relationship advice? It’s easy to get sucked in!
The internet is constantly feeding you quick fixes and innovative solutions.
I’m literally using a Jawzersize as I type this. (pictured here)
Snake oil salesmen may have taken their flashy innovations from town squares to late-night QVC to tiktok, but they are still snake oil salesmen.
Finding a silver bullet or a powerful solution to the pains of life can easily prey upon people who are struggling.
Marriage is hard work–really hard work! Submitting to leadership is hard work–really hard work!
No wonder the snake oil teachers concocted “mutual submission” as the solution to the oppression of traditional marriage!
“Wives and Husbands both submit to each other,” they say. The wife isn’t called to anything that isn’t also expected of her husband.
The rough edge of the Scripture is sanded down by our culture. Thank God we didn’t have to take that passage seriously!
Now, you might think I have forgotten the words of Ephesians 5:21,
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
I love this verse and its very clear in my mind. In fact, that’s why I hate the way “mutual submission” has been manipulated to undermine God’s Word.
I want hubands and wives to obey Ephesians 5:21 with aggressive joy!
What would that look like?
Well, we’d need to keep reading in Ephesians 5 to learn more as Paul unfolds the way in which each person would demonstrate this submission in their roles and relationships. (I’ve copied the passage at the end for you.)
The Lord calls wives to submit (5:22), husbands to love and sacrifice (5:25), children to obey (6:1), fathers to train (6:4), slaves to obey (6:5), and masters to oversee with dignity (6:9).
The Lord describes theses different people in roles that inform their callings.
Each of these commands brings reality (and teeth!) to the call to mutual submission.
The snake oil interpretation of mutual submission actually pulls the teeth of the passage.
Think with me, does Paul expect that a child could tell their father, “Hey now, daddy, we are called to mutual submission! Who gives you the right to be in charge here? I think you’re over stepping your bounds to command my obedience.”
The Lord commands that mutual submission be disiplayed in our real roles and relationships, not in a mysterious way that elimnates them.
God designed the compliment of marriage. God designed the parenting relationship.
He calls you to obedience within the structures He built, not to contrive an obedience that negates His design.
In obeying God your roles do impact your responsibility. We all have the calling to glorify Christ, but we do it in different, inter-related, and complimentary ways.
Don’t listen to teachers with catchphrases and half-baked thoughts.
That kind of teaching leaves you hanging just like those free sunglasses from China and the electro-pulsing waistband that will give you abs in minutes.
Snake oil salesmen do their best work popping into your feed or town for a moment and leaving before you can feel the pain of their empty solutions.
Embracing God’s design offers the promise of a good life that lasts long (cf. 6:3). God gives roles, relationships, and responsibilties to help us build lives that last!
Ephesians 5:21–6:9
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” e 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” h
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. 6 Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. 7 Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, 8 because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free.
9 And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.